Mindset Tips Archives

Learning How To Talk To Yourself

In this innovative, technological age where people can reach you by email, cell, social media, and “snail mail”, you have those people whose name immediately garnishes a positive reaction.  A smile comes to your face, an internal jump for joy erupts, or a wonderful memory of them races through your mind when you see their name anywhere at any time.

Well, something of the sort happened to me earlier this month. I finally downloaded the LinkedIn app to my new Samsung Galaxy 4 (which is a big thing because until about 60 days ago, I was not an “app” person), and lo and behold, there it was….a message from Beverly D. Flaxington, the Human Behavior Coach.

As soon as I saw her name paired with her charismatic photo, I immediately tapped on the screen to view her message.  To my delight, Beverly was asking whether I knew anyone who might benefit from her new book, Self-talk for a Calmer You, and I instantlyself talk for a calmer you book cover responded, “YES!”

Call me self-serving, but I knew that the person who could benefit from a book about self-talk was me. And, I also knew that if Beverly Flaxington was writing about it, it would be a mindset-changer.

So, I did what any other book-loving, truth-seeking, ever-morphing, student of life would do. I let Beverly know that I desperately wanted to read the book and of course, I would want to talk to her about it live on Books That Transform. Thankfully, she agreed to send me a copy and promised to entertain my questions on the show. (Yaaay!!!)

Well, a couple of weeks ago, the book arrived and let me tell you, my heart fluttered, the butterflies in my stomach did somersaults, and my voice giggled with glee as I tore open the box.

(Think: Christmas morning, a five-year-old little girl, ripping open that gargantuan present that has been sitting under the tree for weeks, calling her name, while posing as that Barbie dollhouse she has been wanting since forever…and you will get the picture.)

I don’t know how to explain this, but when I saw the cover, read the title and subtitle (Learn how to use positive self-talk to control anxiety and live a happier, more relaxed life), I just knew that Beverly was going to do a work on me. In fact, I can get a little deeper. I knew that this entire situation had been orchestrated by God.

Now, that may sound “spooky deep”, but it is the truth. This is the area of my life that causes me tremendous turmoil more often than not. And, I am sure if you are still reading this post, it may be a hindrance for you, too. How I perceive “a thing” and how I talk to myself about it can powerfully upset my equilibrium and cause me to ponder over it for days, months, and even years. As you can imagine, being in that state of mind is counterproductive and eventually begins to eat away at my peace.

But, I digress….

On the very first page, Beverly sucked me right in. (Oooo, she is such a good writer.) She explained that self-talk at its most basic level is the way you talk to yourself.  “It’s a kind of internal monologue, a stream of consciousness.” And then, she said something that I knew, but needed to hear again and really wanted to share here with you:

 “You may have heard stories about people overcoming impossible odds to succeed, or about those who rise above their challenges. What they say to themselves, how they interpret the events, what they choose to use as their self-talk is often at the root of their ability to rise and succeed. What makes the difference between those people who seem to overcome the obstacles and make things happen, versus those that get stuck and can’t seem to find the way out of their anxious thoughts and feelings? Often it is their self-talk. It’s the things people say to themselves to get them through or give them new energy or help them problem solve.” ~ Beverly D. Flaxington, author of Self-Talk for a Calmer You, p. 10

You see, I believe that the major roadblock that entrepreneurs have, and particularly, employed entrepreneurs have, is not from anything outside of us; but, it is the nature and quality of our self-talk. We either do not know what to say to ourselves or we know what to say, but we just don’t believe it. As a result, we stall….we start or stop…or even worse, we never even go for it.


Beverly explains it best: We use anxiety as a coping mechanism to protect ourselves from negative experiences because being confident and feeling good leads to failure.

And, who wants to fail?

anxiety-imageSo, we decide (whether consciously or subconsciously) that it is “better to feel anxious and uptight and be prepared.

Now, this kind of thinking can come from many sources—a traumatic childhood, disappointments or setbacks, hurtful experiences, or troubling situations that we have witnessed. I also believe it can come from being taught or programmed in error or never fully comprehending how much we are valued and loved by God. Or, perhaps it comes from not knowing at the core of our being that HE has a divine purpose for our lives in which we get to participate.

Whatever the cause, the good news is that there is a cure!

Yes, there is a balm in Gilead. There is a process that we can go through to retrain our thinking patterns and thus our quality of self-talk. We have the power and the authority to control our thoughts and put them under subjection.

Isn’t that great news?

Remember that the Word says this:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6 NIV

I am sooooo grateful that God has placed someone like Beverly D. Flaxington in the earth to show us how to “do the work.”

As I close, I want to invite you to purchase a copy of Beverly’s new book.  Together, let’s go on this journey of learning how to consistently and faithfully speak positively to ourselves, no matter the circumstance or situation.

As I read, learn, and grow, I will be sharing my thoughts here and I would love for you to share yours as well.


Be Inspired to Change Your Mindset & Transform Your Life!

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You are an “employed entrepreneur”.

You work for someone else full-time but you are agitated because you know, that you know, that you know that you have been called to do something else. You have been called to be the CEO of your own business– a divine business that you did not necessarily choose but one that has been placed within you by God Himself. You have been called into entrepreneurship and the longer you are working in an environment that is contrary to that, the more frustrated you become. ericka's book

Well, I have good news for you.

There is a way to emancipate yourself–a stress-free way. There is a way to plan your exit strategy and do what God has called you. Would you like to learn more about that?

Interview with Author, Evangelist, and Kingdom Trainer Ms. Ericka Jackson

erickajacksonToday, I interviewed Ericka D. Jackson, who is the author of When God Calls, Living God’s Purpose for Your Life. It was an incredible 55 minutes.

Listen now to find out:

  • The top 5 tips on how to plan the emancipation from the full-time J-O-B to living God’s purpose for your life on a full-time basis.

  • The components of a well-structured business plan and how often it should be updated

  • The top 3 marketing methods you should implement and why

  • How to view yourself as a shepherd and your target audience as your flock

  • What vision really is and how it impacts your daily decisions and ultimately whether you live out God’s purpose for your life

Listen Now

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The Faster & Easier Way to Achieve True Wealth

More money, more money, more money!

Are you someone who thinks that if you just had more money all  (or most) of your problems would  be solved? 

I am sure you have heard the stories of the thousands of individuals who have won millions of dollars via the lottery only to end up broke in a few years or perhaps, you can think of entertainers or professional athletes who make millions of dollars per year but find that it is not enough to make their ends meet.

How can this be?

When, I was a little girl, around 7 or 8, I remember my cousins and I standing in my grandparents’ yard playing a game in which we would ask each other, if you had a million dollars what would you do with it? To us a million dollars was so much money. A million dollars would make life so much sweeter. :)

But the fact of the matter is that had we been given a million dollars, we may have ended up just like the lottery winners, the professional athletes, and the entertainers who acquired money without developing their minds to deal with wealth.

And, this is the premise of the book Wealth Mentality: Program Yourself to Get and Keep the Wealth You Want by Mrs. Sherrin Ross Ingram. In Wealth Mentality, Sherrin makes it clear that reaching true wealth requires far more than simply making a lot of money.  She explains that “it requires that you establish a way of thinking that promotes and preserves true wealth before looking for ways to earn more money, make better investments, and buy better things.”

You may be wondering, well how in the world do I do that? I would love to develop that kind of thinking.

Listen to today’s show.

By the end of it that question will be answered and you will walk away with insight into the faster and easier way to achieve true wealth. 

Listen to internet radio with kelliegardner on Blog Talk Radio


Some of the Questions I Asked Sherrin sherrinrossingram

  • Sherrin, as America’s Leading Power Strategist, you help entrepreneurially-minded professionals get strategic about defining their markets and unique positioning, raising their expert status and staying top of mind with clients and prospects. Tell us about a time when you developed a new system or procedure for a client that totally transformed his/her career or their business.

  • Sherrin, in your introduction you make this statement, “People want to be rich.” You point out that this desire isn’t “limited to a specific gender, race, social or economic background, or any other characteristic.” What exactly is the difference between being rich and being wealthy?

  • Now, Sherrin, somebody listening right now is still probably thinking, “More money is the answer to my financial troubles.” What would you say to that person?

  • The title of your book is Wealth Mentality: Program Yourself to Get and Keep the Wealth You Want. Black Enterprise has called you and they want to do a new segment on their show each Sunday that focuses on people who possess a wealth mentality. Who would be the first person that you would showcase and why?

  •   Sherrin, I love the fact that you blatantly ask “Why aren’t YOU wealthy already? in chapter three. You pinpoint 8 underlying reasons. What are the three most prevalent reasons most people have not acquired wealth?

  • On page 43, you state, “Two of the most important parts of creating a Wealth Mentality are thoughts and beliefs.” Sherrin, why do we think the way that we do and what specific steps can we take to develop thoughts and beliefs that exemplify a wealth mentality?

  • One of the many interesting concepts you teach is that “a wealth mentality thinks gooses.” How do we know when we have elevated to the level of “thinking gooses?”

  • I love this quote from page 61: In most cases, those who have earned their way to wealth found work that exploits their full potential and gives them the opportunity to express the best that is within them. They’re motivated by something larger than making a living. They love what they do. I believe that the listeners of this show are entrepreneurs who want this to be their story. As we close, please give them 3 action items that will help them achieve wealth easier and faster in the remaining 11 months of this year.

  • Sherrin, who are your ideal clients and what kinds of exciting products and services do you have available for them in 2013?

Hearing From You

What did you get from this interview that will help you change your mindset in regards to acquiring wealth?

Share one thing that really “stood out” for you in this interview.

It’s Time for A Praise Report

If you were blessed by today’s show, go ahead and share a praise report. Click here to access the Praise Report Builder. I do appreciate it very much! :)

Why Aren’t You Wealthy Already?

Riding the exercise bike at the gym.

Even with sweat coming down profusely, I am intensely focused on the book that lays in the tray, covering my heart rate, mileage, and calorie burn report.

The book, Wealth Mentality, published in 2002 is reeeaaalllly good. wealth mentality book cover

It gets my attention with stats right out of the gate.

In 1999, Americans spent 36 billion dollars buying lottery tickets.

The television program Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was a worldwide sensation as we turned the century. Originally created in the United Kingdom in 1998, it debuted in the United States the next year, averaging a whopping 29 million viewers per night during the 1999-2000 season.

The show has become a worldwide success, with editions in the U.S., United Kingdom, India, Greece, Germany, Portugal, and Russia, as well as dozens of other countries. When a version of the program was announced in Singapore, more than 10,000 people called during the first few days in an effort to win a chance at the jackpot.

As the introduction goes on, I realize that I will NOT be putting this book down until I absorb every single word.

The Reality Check

The first chapter begins asking the question, Why Seek a Wealth Mentality? The author, Sherrin Ross Ingram, once again draws me in with facts:

  • MC Hammer earned $33 million by 1990 and by 1996 was broke. (Yowsa!)

  • William “Bud” Post of Oil City, Pennsylvania won a $16.2 million Pennsylvania lottery jackpot in 1988 and was broke by 1993. (My, my, my)

  • Harry and Blanche Mandelbaum lost $100,000 after investing it in The Bennett Funding Group, Inc. which was involved in one of the biggest Ponzi schemes in U.S. history.


Sherrin explains that all of these individuals “acquired money without developing their minds to deal with wealth.” She then reveals the characteristics of a wealth mentality and why it is a necessity.

Okay, so I move on to chapter two.

Sherrin then poses the question– Why Seek Wealth? She defines what it means to be wealthy and then lays out the reasons why one should desire wealth. They include–

  1. To be of assistance to others.

  2. To give your family every opportunity to develop their full potential.

  3. To experience the benefits of having the goods and services that money can buy.

  4. To have some insulation from the havoc that illness, disability, and economic downturns can wreak on your personal finances and the quality of life for you and  your family.

  5. To really enjoy retirement.

Needless to say, chapter two was a heavy hitter–very thought-provoking, very “Hello, I am here to shake some senses into you.” But, the chapter that almost made me get off the bike and go sit in a corner and read until the manager of the gym put me OUT was chapter three–

Why Aren’t You Wealthy Already?

Ooooo, Sherrin!

I kept thinking, I love this woman! She does not play.

She actually pinpointed the specific reasons why I, YOU, ME, WE are not wealthy at this point in time.


That’s all I could say.

She broke down 8 possible reasons and even though deep down inside I already knew them, somehow they were much more enlightening coming from her.

In that moment as I neared the end of my 45-minute spin, I made a decision. I decided that nothing would stop me from creating a “lasting behavioral change” as I conditioned my mind to ACT. 

It was deep.

It  still is deep.

And, I believe it will forever be deep to me….because there are so many of us who are hustling, working hard or even hardly working, who will never experience the benefits that living in a state of wealth provides in this earth realm for very simple reasons.

We will continue to justify and rationalize our struggle, our survival mentality (as Sherrin calls it), our lack. We will continue to “wing it” and hope things work out in the end.

We will console ourselves  by programming our minds to believe that wealthy people are evil, selfish, money-hungry folks who are more concerned with riches than their relationship with God.

Or, perhaps we will continue to sing, “I’d rather have Jesus than silver and gold”–refusing to accept the fact that we can have Jesus AND an evolving state of mind that produces thoughts and behaviors directed towards achieving wealth.

As Sherrin clearly explains–

A Wealth Mentality is the opposite of being consumed with thoughts about wealth. Once programmed, a Wealth Mentality allows your thoughts and behavior to work toward building and maintaining wealth automatically (i.e. without conscious thought). Your mind is left free to seek and maintain balance in other areas of your life and enjoy the fruits of your efforts. p. 11

The Question Remains

So, in this 21st Century when so much information is available on how to increase personal wealth,

Why Aren’t You Wealthy Already? 

Sherrin Ross Ingram, America’s Leading Power Strategist on BTT

sherrinrossingram Join us on Books That Transform with Kellie Gardner & Friends, this   Thursday, January 24th at 11:oo a.m. when Sherrin Ross Ingram will spend 45 minutes schooling us on the Wealth Mentality. I have so much I want to ask her. I can hardly wait! :)

For more information on the Wealth Mentality, click here.

To learn more about Sherrin, click here.

Show’s Topic: The Faster and Easier Way to Achieve Wealth


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