Reflections Archives

Because You Believe You Can’t

My uncle committed suicide.

He was extremely handsome, articulate, smart, friendly, and kind.

One day, when he was only 31 years old, he decided that he could not overcome a drug addiction to cocaine. So, he planned out his very last day.

He decided to start his car that was parked in his garage, sit in the backseat, and let the fumes put him to sleep….forever.

The story goes that his worldly, first wife, who was 8 years his senior, had introduced him to the drug and immediately, he was hooked. After several stints in rehab, he ended up failing the random drug test given at the fire station where he worked.

He had divorced and remarried. But, his second wife, unable to watch his demise, left him.

Even the Sunday nights on the porch or in the living room at my grandparents’ house, having Bible study with my grandfather and neighborhood friends, did not comfort him. He found no solace in anyone or anything.

A substance controlled his every thought throughout the day. He could not contain it. He could not make it stop.  Even when he was not “on it”, he thought about it. He said he could even taste it.

He shared his anguish in letters that he mailed the day he decided that he could not make it here on Earth another day.

He made a decision, a decision based upon what he believed to be true.

As I write this, I see even more clearly why I wanted to share this personal story with you.

You see, it doesn’t matter what kind of challenges you face in this thing called life.

At the end of the day, it is all about what YOU believe.

It’s about what you believe in the middle of the night when things seem to magnify themselves. 

It’s about what you believe when you do not “feel” like God is there.

It’s about what you believe when you look in the mirror.

It’s about what you believe when you are all alone with no background noise from your television or Pandora’s music on your phone.

Whatever it is in life that you are unable to face….and whatever it is in life that you are unable to overcome….it is so because for some reason, deep down inside, you believe you can’t.

That is why it is so important for you to protect your mind, to guard it fiercely. The influences upon it ultimately control the way you think and how you think controls how you act or fail to act.

Other people may think the world of you and see so much giftedness in you. But, if you do not believe it is there, how can it truly manifest?

Even God, himself, declares throughout His Word, how incredibly special you are to Him, but if you do not believe it, how can you walk in it?

Your belief system plays a critical role in your perspective and if it is not “programmed” by the Word, it will fail you.

Listen, the one thing I want you to leave this post understanding is that there will be times when you feel like having a “pity party.” (Shoot, I had one for a couple of hours, yesterday.)

There will be times when you naturally focus on what is wrong in your life and what has not happened for you, and what you have not accomplished according to your self-imposed timeline; but, those are the times when you can pull from your reserve tank—your solid, stable, divine belief system—and put yourself in check.

That’s right!

Sometimes, you have to check yourself before you “wreck” yourself. (Yes, if you remember that phrase from the 80’s, it still holds true.) :-)

But, on a serious note, you have to pull from a place where your belief system is not based on you and your efforts or you and your “failures”, but it is based upon the Word of God.

I wish my uncle had known this.

I wish he had understood how valuable he was and how much he had to offer us here in the Earth realm.

Unfortunately, he did not. He allowed the enemy to tap into his belief system and convince him that he could not go on. That truly breaks my heart.

My question for you is:

What is not happening in your life because YOU believe YOU can’t?

How long are you willing to allow that to last?

 

Be Encouraged

….Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6 NIV

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 NIV

 

Do you really believe it?

Have You Been Taking Care of Your Body?

Imagine this:

The engine of your car is “shot.” It is going to take thousands of dollars to replace. Your best friend, who is married, offers to let you drive her car until you are able to get the funds to get your car fixed. In other words, you have indefinite access to it.

She assures you that sharing transportation with her husband will be no problem. So, you reluctantly and thankfully agree.

You notice that her car is immaculately clean. It even smells like a “new car.”

You, on the other hand, do not pride yourself on having the cleanest car in the world.

So, what do you do? Do you care for her car as you would your own OR do you treat the car the way that she would, so that when you return it, you can do so with no reservations, no shame?

I hope you choose the latter.

I hope you decide to keep her car as clean as possible since it is what she would want for her car and because it does not belong to you.

God Feels the Same Way About Your Body

This morning, as I was preparing my breakfast (chocolate Shakeology with strawberries), a scripture came to mind: 

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. I Corinthians 6:19-20 (New Living Translation 2007)

I immediately thought about you and me.

We did not create ourselves.

We did not give ourselves talents and skills.

We were created by an all-knowing, all-wise, omnipresent God who has clearly informed us that we are to honor him with our bodies. 

Actually, we do not OWN our bodies. Our bodies are on loan to us like the car our best friend let us borrow. And so, we are held accountable for treating it the way our owner (GOD) would treat it.

DEEP! DEEP! DEEP!

Ironically, we are not taught how to do so.

We are not educated on how to treat our bodies like a temple of the Holy Spirit. More than anything, we are taught to indulge.

Everything that is not good for us is on every corner as we drive or ride down the busy streets of our cities—fast food, sugar-induced coffee and cocoa, donuts, biscuits, etc. etc.

Healthy food options are not on every corner.

Nutritionists are not on every corner. Liquor stores, nail shops, and “convenient” stores are.

We have accepted treating our bodies less than a temple as “convenient.”

The Transformation of the Mind Then the Body

And so, I must ask you again, no matter your size or your weight—whether you appear healthy to the outside world or not—have you been taking care of your body?

Have you been treating your body like a temple of the Holy Spirit, God’s Spirit?

To me, that is DEEP…..extremely deep.

Makes me rethink everything.

What about you?

It begins first with your belief system–what your mind believes. Until YOU believe that your body is A TEMPLE of the HOLY SPIRIT, you will continue to abuse it or fill it with unhealthy foods and beverages.

Ouch!!!

Go ahead and say it. I know that hurt.

To think, you have been abusing your own body, every single day is a scary thought, especially since it is not YOURS in the first place. It belongs to God. 

Think about this: Not only was your body created by HIM but it was also bought with a price–the blood of Christ.

This realization, just this morning, has even deepened my commitment to make better choices. To really attend to what I do to and with my body each day.

Fortifying the Temple

To fortify means to make strong, to give physical strength, courage, or endurance toyour temple needs to be fortified.

You can only exude your divine personal brand when you are healthy, when your mind is right, when you have had enough rest, when you treat your body like a temple.

In the video below, I share a simple way to do right by your body. It is a long video—14 minutes, but I wanted to make it available to you so that you could see and hear what doctors are saying about this tool.

Watch it now and think about it as a way to enhance your walk in your divine personal brand!

JOIN ME! Treat your body like a temple of the Holy Spirit with proper nutrition and exercise: http://beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/kelliegardner

Remember the VERY FIRST time you got behind the wheel of a car?

You were probably excited, nervous, anxious, and scared to death at the same time.

Or perhaps you were too young and daring to be scared to death. :-)  

Nevertheless, you were courageous enough to do something you had never done before and you knew that you would have to do it over and over and over again before you could master it.

Your goal was not to become the winner of the Nascar Sprint Cup or the Daytona 500. You just wanted to walk into your adultness, owning your right to take yourself where you needed to go, whenever you needed to go.

Reflect on how much better you became as you placed yourself behind the wheel.

Remember how the fear dissipated?

Remember how you got better and better?

Now, you are a PRO. You get behind the wheel without even thinking about it. It’s like brushing your teeth, dressing yourself, and putting on your shoes. Easy cheesy, right?

You didn’t become a pro because you let fear paralyze you. You certainly didn’t become a pro through video game simulations.

You have become skilled at it because you worked on it, frequently, if not every single day.

Imagine feeling that same way about public speaking.

Close your eyes and visualize reaching thousands and possibly millions of people in your target market, drawing your ideal clients out of that target market, and making a profitable difference in your business just from speaking.

Ah….what a feeling!

The Great News

The great thing about public speaking is that you learned how to “talk” years ago. Talking is not a skill that you need to learn how to do.

Thankfully, that is one less thing to put on your “to do” list. :-)

All you need to do now is learn how to speak in an authentic way that teaches, inspires, and impacts others so much so that they want to do business with you.

But, that is my problem, Kellie!!!

I know that is what you are thinking while you are looking at this screen like I’m crazy.  But the truth is speaking well is a skill—a skill you can learn; a skill you can master.

Done consistently and done well, speaking will no doubt double your productivity, performance and income.

I want that for you, so by the time you finish reading the coming week’s posts, you will know exactly what you need to do to make all of those things happen.

Use the 3 +1 Formula for Mastering Public Speaking

In 2010, I learned this fool-proof formula from Brian Tracy for mastering any skill.  (The formula is the same but in my own words.) 

  1. Read in the skill area each day between 15-30 minutes. As your knowledge of a subject matter increases, your confidence builds. As your confidence builds, your belief about yourself in this capacity will change.
  2. Turn transportation time into learning time. Listen to educational audio programs while you are traveling every single day whether by car, subway, train, plane, bus, or your very own legs.  The repetition of hearing over and over again builds faith.
  3. Attend learning events relevant to the skill area. Learning events include seminars, workshops, intensives, boot camps, conferences, etc. There is something about the synergy at a live event. Being in the presence of like-minded people, who share commonalities and similar desires, is powerful.

So those are the three main parts of the formula.  Now, you are ready for the PLUS ONE, right?

You already know what it is…..PRACTICE!!!

In other words, “Ain’t nothing to it, but to do it.” That was a popular saying when I was growing up and it still applies.

If you want to become more comfortable with speaking, you must speak and speak and speak and speak.

There is no other way to increase your comfort level.

Make a Decision

If you struggle with sharing your knowledge, expertise, and compelling message with others through speaking; if speaking is not yet  a profitable revenue stream for your business; and, if you need a little more support in this area—the upcoming posts will be extremely helpful to you. So, stay tuned. :-)

Until then, make a decision to commit to the 3 +1 Formula.

Your personal and professional growth depend on it.

Speaking From Where You Really Are

You are hurting. 

There are things that have happened in your life that were very painful, very traumatic, and extremely devastating. 

Yet you appear to be fine.

You have pushed through it and you keep it moving every single day—taking care of your children, being there for your spouse or significant other, going to work each day, pursuing a degree or two or three, building your business, volunteering in church, working on committees and being a part of organizations, and putting on your happy face.

So yes, you appear to be fine.

But there is no doubt about it.

You are hurting.

You have medicated the pain, in various ways, just so you CAN go through the motions, just so you CAN keep your sanity; but as with many medications, your body is getting used to the drug and it is no longer effective. The medication is no longer strong enough to mask the real problem that normally you do not have to acknowledge until it is time for your next dose. That is when you feel it. That is when you are reminded that it is still there.

This medication is not something you received over the counter. It is not something your insurance paid for—no, it is whatever you do to “make it all better” for the moment. But, even if you do it more frequently, it just does not seem to work.

And now, you need relief.

All of the going and going 24/7, pouring into others, playing the role, and “making the grade” are weighing you down so heavily that you have no idea who you really are and what you really want. You have no idea what you are supposed to do with your own life—outside of the daily “duties” you must execute.

And that is making the pain even more intense.

You may not have even told anyone about your despair.

You may not have shared this with one single soul; or perhaps you have done your best to explain it, but you know that even your best friend can never truly understand the pain because she is not experiencing it.

She tries. She really does. But, truthfully, she is dealing with her own pain. She supports you in the best way she can, but what you need goes far beyond her ability to comprehend or to help.

My sister, I do not know your exact pain.

I have not experienced exactly what you have experienced how you have experienced it, but I do empathize with where you are and what you are going through because the “you” I just described was me.

Acknowledging the Pain

It was not until the very beginning of 2011 that I realized that I was severely exhausted—not physically, but emotionally, and mentally. I was drained from the pain. You know what I mean?

It was not until I began to speak to God about where I really was that I began to get some relief, bit-by-bit, peace (not piece)-by-peace. I began to get some understanding and…. I am still getting it.

It was not given to me all at once, but is coming minute by minute, day by day, week by week. And, I am so very grateful. Had it not been for the Lord, yes, I would have lost my mind.

So, I want to share with you how I have learned to speak from where I really am and how God has replaced those medicating activities with remedies that truly work for me. I hope that they might bless you and give you the courage to speak, as well.

5 Ways I Have Learned to Speak From Where I Am

(1)  Alone time is sometimes hard to get, especially if you are a mother or have a group of people who depend on you daily, but you always have your bathroom time, right? So, there in the shower or in your bath, speak to God about your issue….vent, if you will. But, just for a minute. Tell him how you really feel. It is not that He does not know, but it is more therapeutic for you. But then, pray in the spirit. I do not mean to sound spooky deep, but instead of spending my time singing in the shower like I used to do, I pray in the spirit. I am so amazed by the sense of peace that I have when I am done. It is indescribable.

(2)  If you live with others, get up before everyone else does and begin the day in conversation with God. Take time to sit still and hear from Him early in the morning. If you live alone, let this be the first thing that you do.

(3)  Have a confidante or two that you can go to with your issues—those who have a relationship with God and can pray with you and for you. Confidantes are those who truly care about you and are not bothered by hearing about your puzzling issues or dilemmas; but, who are also wise enough to know when to listen, when to speak the Word, and when to pray. They may be mentors, spiritual leaders, or even close friends.

(4)  Write your statements of victory over the situation (some call them affirmations), the promises of God in a very personal way and read them aloud in the morning, when you are sitting in traffic, when you are at a doctor’s appointment waiting to be seen, when you are cooking—whatever you are doing that allows you to speak. You need to hear about the victory over and over and over again. (I have a spiral index card thingy that I keep in my purse for these times.)

(5)  Keep hearing the word so that you can speak it. Since I work from home, I spend the morning time listening to the Word while I work on this computer, grading papers, writing blog posts, building my business, sending and responding to emails. And, guess what? I respond to the man or woman of God who is teaching me as if I am right there, in the service, or having a personal consultation. I speak to them in agreement. I speak in a laugh. I speak in an “Ouch!” when my toes are being stepped on.  I just speak. :-)

 Being Committed to Speaking

These are strategies that I have been using that have helped me tremendously and even though the enemy will do all that he can to cause you to lapse in your speaking, so that you remain in that stuck, painful state–you must be steadfast and unmovable. As soon as you recognize what he is doing, remember that the battle is not yours, and just start to implement these strategies, again.

And while you are speaking, remember this beautifully fitting scripture:

For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. Philippians 4:8 (Amplified Bible)

 

May you speak and walk in perfect peace. :-)

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