Do you find yourself getting disturbed or taken aback by the troubling experiences that you go through?

Do you find that your peace is easily shaken or disturbed?

If so, please read this post in its entirety.

A Life-Changing Experience

Just last March, March of 2012, I was sitting at my desk working on the computer and my chest began to tighten. My fingers felt numb and I had sharp pains at the base of my neck and into my shoulders. Then, I started feeling like my breathing was off. I guess you could call it shortness of breath.

My daughter, who was just five years old, was out of school and she was in her bedroom watching one of her favorite movies. I didn’t want to alarm her, so I went on the internet and I typed symptoms of a heart attack.

I started reading the symptoms and my mind said, “You are getting ready to have a heart attack.” So, I called one of my dearest and closest friends who had been experiencing issues with hypertension so I knew she knew all about heart attacks.

She stayed on the phone with me for almost an hour and ruled out the fact that I was about to have one. She told me to go to get my pressure checked at a Harris Teeter grocery store or a CVS Pharmacy because perhaps my pressure had escalated for some reason.

I went and according to the instrument there, let’s just say I should not be here.

So, I thought, that can’t be right. My mother then told me to go to an Urgent Care but by that time all of the Urgent Cares had closed. My mother then advised me to  take an aspirin,  try to get some rest, and go to the Urgent Care right after I dropped off my daughter at school.

That night, I did not get much rest.

I kept thinking crazy thoughts about my health, about my life,  and about the safety of my daughter. I certainly was not ready to leave here (the Earth) and have someone else raise her, so I needed to find out exactly what was going on in my body to cause these kinds of symptoms and do whatever it took to make sure I didn’t experience them, again.

The next morning, I took Zoe to school and rushed to Urgent Care.

After being checked out and x-rayed, the doctor informed me that my blood pressure was high for the first time in my life and that what I had described was an anxiety or panic attack. 

He told me that people who experience these feel like they are having a heart attack. He also informed me that the x-ray revealed that my neck was too straight.  (I didn’t even know there was such a thing.)

As he showed me the x-rays, he informed me that my neck should have a little curvature to it, but mine did not. It was completely straight. The straight neck was the cause of the pain in my shoulders and the numbness in my fingers.

Seek and You Shall Find

After that experience, I began to seek God about the state of my life.

Why would I, a child of God, get to a place where I would have an anxiety attack? Why would I get to a place where my mindset was not on taking care of my body? What in the world was going on with me?

I realized that I had not been studying the Word as I should but I had been substituting tele-evangelism for my daily dose of the Word. So, I made a decision to devote time to my own time with God.

Now, I am the kind of person who would rather study a particular topic or issue that I would like to learn more about or even one that is bothering me, as opposed to just reading chapter after chapter, book after book.

And, God, knowing His child, laid it in my heart to study PEACE. And as I studied, He revealed to me three elements, three components, three keys to possessing my peace so that no matter what goes on in my life, I can walk victoriously, confidently, without angst.

It is not a magic pill, quick fix or a microwavable potion, but it is a process that you and I can use no matter what we face. Because guess what?

You deserve to walk in peace.

Yes!!! You are a child of the God of Peace….so nothing “in” or “of” this world should sabotage the peace that your Heavenly Father has given you through the power of His Holy Spirit. (I Thessalonians 5:23, Galatians 5:22)

The three keys that God gave to me will come in handy in your life, time and time again. I promise you that. The more you use them, the better you will get at using them.

Sharing the 3 Keys to Possessing Your Peace on Not Just Talk Radio

On March 25th, I was a guest on Shamara Cox’s Not Just Talk Radio Show and I spoke on this topic: 3 Keys to Possessing Your Peace: Rising Above the Drama to Walk In Your Divine Personal Brand.  Shamara and I had a ball and it seemed to be a popular topic with the listeners as the questions came flooding in–so much so, that we didn’t get a chance to answer them all.

Listen Now

1. Get your Bible out and turn to 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. The three keys are found there.
2. Listen now and be blessed!
3. Share the show with others who need a systematic formula for walking in peace.
4. Don’t just read and listen. Leave a comment below.  

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3 NIV

The sound of your voice, the words you choose, your body language–they all work together giving people a sense of your intelligence, your professionalism, your energy.

People base their perception of you on what you communicate and most importantly, how you communicate it. The question is,

“Is the delivery of your message complimenting your personal brand or hindering it?

According to Dr. Carol Fleming, speech pathologist and personal communication coach, how we say what we say matters more than we know. In her book, It’s The Way You Say It: Becoming Well-Spoken, Articulate, and Clear, she says:

While  your expertise and skills are, of course, essential, it is your personal verbal communication that transmits your expertise and confidence to other people.

She also shares that

….your body, words, and voice must ideally communicate the same thing at the same time for [you] the speaker to come across as professional, trustworthy, and appealing.

Personal Assessment

So, do you sound like a leader?

• Are you attracting those you have been called to serve?
• Are you attracting those who could possibly partner with you in a business venture?
• Are you attracting those who might contribute to your mission?

The Interview with Dr. Carol Fleming

Answer those questions and then listen to the in-depth conversation I had with Dr. Carol Fleming on Tuesday, April 2nd. She has 30 years of experience in the field of speech pathology and it is evident in her very detailed responses to the questions that I ask. We even went over our 45 minutes a tad because she had so much to share and I had so much to ask. In fact, she didn’t even get to answer all of the questions I had. You know me….my inquiring mind wants to know.

Listen Now 

About Dr. Carol Fleming

Dr. Carol Fleming has been working with people on refining the sound of their voices for over 30 years. As a speech and language pathologist, she uses education and skills developed for the clinic and apply them to the more subtle needs of the business and professional world.

While others may offer public speaking training, speech therapy, or theater skills, Dr. Fleming takes a holistic approach helping people address any concerns they may have about the impression they make by the way they communicate both verbally and non-verbally.

The second edition of her book, It’s The Way You Say It, was just released in March 2013. She is also the author of two bestselling audio programs–The Sound of Your Voice and The Serious Business of Small Talk. You can learn more about her at www.speechtraining.com.

I was the valedictorian of the Class of ’89 at Cresset Christian Academy in Durham, N.C.

Although, I had always loved school and did my very best since kindergarten; I’d worked extremely hard to “prove” myself once my mom enrolled me in a Christian school my eighth grade year. I was the only student of color in my class, so I felt this insurmountable pressure to show my classmates that I was just as smart as or even smarter than they were. I never imagined that my hard work would position me to have the highest GPA. It never even crossed my mind.

So, when I found out that I was valedictorian, I was so shocked. You might say I was flabbergasted.

Well, you may have thought that I would have gone on to some Ivy League College or at least gone to one of the larger more competitive public universities in North Carolina or some other state.

You may have thought that I would have pursued a career that would have paid me six figures, easily, in the mid ’90′s like law, accounting, computer technology, marketing and advertising, or even medicine; but, I didn’t.

In fact, when it came time for me to choose a career and an institution of higher learning, I settled.

I settled because I did not go to the college that I really wanted to go to and I did not choose the career path that I really wanted to choose. I chose to play it  safe in both regards. I chose to go to a very small HBCU (historically Black College or University) in North Carolina and I chose to major in elementary education.

SAFE. SAFE. SAFE.

I now know that what fueled my logic, what fed my sense of inadequacy, even though my entire scholastic record said I was highly capable,  is something called the Impostor Syndrome. It is the reason I literally talked myself out of taking risks and really pushing myself after high school.

But, don’t cry for me.

Even though I  may have short-changed myself to some degree, this post is not about obsessing over the past. It is about acknowledging a mindset that is very prevalent in successful people–particularly women.

The Impostor Syndrome is a very real phenomenon that successful women, professional women, and women who are climbing the-bring-home-the-bacon-fry-it-up-in-a-pan-I-am-every-woman-ladder struggle with in spite of their abilities, education, salaries, and accolades.

This post is about resetting our minds so that we do not allow this syndrome to overtake us and keep us from joyfully fulfilling our divine purpose.

Assess Yourself

Do you suffer from listening to the “private voices of self-doubt” even though you are an accomplished leader in your field? 

Have you obtained the education, accolades, awards, and salary of  an expert in your industry but yet you struggle with believing that you really deserve any of it?

Do people consider you a role model or look to you for great counsel and advice; yet, inside you are still asking yourself questions like “What if they find out I’m not as smart as they think I am? or “Can I really pull this off?”

If so, you may be suffering from the hidden fears and insecurities that millions of successful people struggle with known as the Impostor Syndrome and it is time that you are SET FREE.

Interview with Dr. Valerie  Young 

On Friday, March 29th, I had a wonderful discussion about this subject with Dr. Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How To Thrive In Spite of It. She shared strategies that will help you transform your thinking so that you can “reach new heights” and “positively thrive.”

Dr. Young is an accomplished speaker and her career-related tips have been cited in publications around the world including The Wall Street Journal, USA Weekend, More magazine, Woman’s Day, Redbook, Psychology Today, The Chicago Tribune, The Sydney Morning Herald, The Daily Mail, The Irish Independent, and Entrepreneur to name a few. You can learn more about her at www.impostorsyndrome.com.

Listen Now

Thoughts From You

• What Do You Think About This Phenomenon?
• Have you experienced it or do you know someone who has? Please share your thoughts below. I love to hear from you!

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It’s  4:37 a.m. and I am wide awake.

Don’t worry. I took a very long nap yesterday evening….slept from 5-8:30 p.m.

So, after my daughter went to bed, I decided that I should get my all new vision board done….finally. (After all, the first quarter of the year is almost up.)

It had been leaning against the French doors in my great room, as they call it nowadays, since January–almost blank, with images just on the left side. The images reflected my future physique and the verbiage I’d so carefully cut out of my Oxygen magazines reinforced my goals.

The incompleteness of the board would not be so obvious if it were the normal poster size. But, I had to be all I could be and get the absolute largest size that Office Depot had to offer. You may not believe this but the foam board is the size of a mini billboard….honestly.

Don’t ask me why.

Word Wall

Okay, so here’s why….:)

Well, the day that I was in Office Depot and I spotted the huge foam board, I got this bright idea. If I were to take that huge board home with me, it would be large enough for me to include the vision for all areas of my life—family, health, business/finances, and spirituality/relationships. That would alleviate the pain of having to be so selective when I chose pics and phrases and would also keep me from having to create several boards.

Thankfully, I was driving my mother’s Dodge Caravan that day because I would have never been able to fit it into the backseat or trunk of my G35.

And so it is that just a few hours ago, around midnight, I pulled out two of my favorite movies that I’d purchased but never had a chance to watch at home—The Devil Wears Prada and The Lake House—rounded up 20 or more magazines and my favorite pair of scissors and got to work.

While I was working, it suddenly dawned on me that I was finding more words, more phrases than actual images that depicted my vision. And, then a great idea came to mind.

Creating a Word Wall

When I taught elementary school, one wall of my classroom was dedicated to the Word Wall. It was a wall that had each letter of the alphabet from A to Z spread across the top in a straight line. Each week, I would choose five words as the focus of our spelling and word activities. We would play all kinds of word games with the words, discuss their definitions, create sentences, etc. etc. On Friday, I would give a quick assessment of the words and then post the words to the Word Wall under the letter that each word started with. By the end of the year, the wall looked like a living, breathing dictionary on the wall and I just loved seeing how many words my students had mastered in just one year.

The grand idea that came to mind was what if I created a Word Wall of sorts? What if I focused first on just finding words that express who I am becoming, what I want, where I want to be, how I want to impact the world, and so forth and so on? What if I then, designated a notebook for declaring my future via my Word Wall?

I could choose one word or phrase every morning or every night and write a sentence in my Word Wall Journal about my future. For example: Blast calories and burn fat! is a phrase on my foam board right now. I could write a sentence that reads: Each day, I will blast calories and burn fat by doing High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) and weight training five days per week.

This idea got my juices flowing.

I became so excited that I had to stop myself because finding these descriptive, inspiring, life-shaping words was getting too good and taking me to where I am now—into the wee hours of the morning.

So, here I am asking you to consider trying this spin on your vision board with me. It will suddenly make the board interactive, meaningful, and vocal; and in a strange way, it will hold you accountable to what you have promised yourself, making sure you don’t push the board in a corner where it will collect dust.

Each day, your Word Wall will be at the top of your mind either when you wake up or when you go to bed at night. What a great way to program your mind!

Pics of my Word Wall

Here are pictures of the makings of my Word Wall. I am not quite finished. I am going to devote 30 minutes a day to it until it is done. I really want to find more words and then find some compelling images to associate with them. I think I am also going to have to do an “And all these things….” Word Wall. It will be devoted to those brand names, the fashion, the dream home, the vacations, the philanthropic efforts, etc. etc. that will come as the vision becomes my visual reality.

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It’s Your Turn

Join me in shaping your life with words every single day—words that will inspire you to never lose focus of your vision.